amanda

The New Me

I’ve been doing a lot of self exploration lately, or maybe those are the wrong words. I feel like I found myself without really looking. Maybe I gave up, because it was like a slap in the face, or an awakening. For a while, I didn’t think I knew who I was, and this upset me very much. But now, I have a better understanding. My journey will never be over; it’s just beginning. But I have come a long way, and I feel like I have so much more confidence in myself. Now I know what the saying “you can’t be with someone else fully until you can be with yourself”. It makes so much sense. Which is why I had to take a break from an amazing man. He makes me happy, but I was at a point where I knew I couldn’t make him happy. Maybe because I couldn’t make myself happy? A lot of reasons were the driving force. But my self discovery is beginning to be a great thing. I feel like I have this incredible ability to look at my life from the outside in (sometimes). I can tell myself I’m just going through phases, or “this is normal”, or “it will work out”. I don’t mean I’m good at getting through tough situations and coaching myself, anyone can do that to a certain extent, but I understand myself and my life, and I appreciate everything I have. I am so happy I have grown to realize I am so lucky to have this life. I never though I would be envied, or admired. But now I’m thinking, why the hell not? I’m living the dream, and it’s happening now.